when it ends: a stream-of-consciousness poem by Lauren Tavares

floating. falling. flying. soar high, wait for the drop. a fear you can’t shake. trembles. internal. feeling it all with no end to this madness in sight.

there’s a pit in your stomach. it hurts, and not in the good way. aching and longing and wanting. needing. necessary.

a shake of the head. dismissal, and maybe this hurts more. leave, walk away, go far. a figure in the distance you can’t make out, a blurry shape of fear.

run, girl, run.

separate yourself from this, save yourself while you can. run, trip, fall, scrape, hurt. get back up because it’s what you need to do. it’s the only thing you can do.

push.

forward.

push forward.

keep going, keep running, keep working. never stop. go until you can’t anymore, but then go farther. you can always go farther, you can always do better, you can always be more than you are (even if it hurts, even if it kills you). you can do it.

you have to do it. they need you. you might not need them, but they need you.

dependent dependency.

independence? it’s a myth. we are never truly free. we can never escape the world we live in. (not until death, that is.)

there is a moment where everything changes; welcome to yours. don’t worry, there’s nothing you could’ve done to stop it. it was always coming after you, always snapping at your heels until it was able to sink its jagged teeth into your flesh. hope you don’t bleed too much.

this moment is yours and yours alone. savor it. for this, you’ve gone solo. one, lonely, alone.

maybe not lonely, though. not anymore. a person with a person. an outstretched hand. help me through. pull me up, pull me back to shore.

save me from this aimless floating.

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